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pirate101 jokes

AuthorMessage
Captain
May 16, 2011
552
anecorbie on Oct 13, 2014 wrote:
"Hao's on Deck"
Ratbeard: Well, Subodai, I hear the cap'n has bought another ship and she's given yeh the command.
Subodai: Yes, I'm honored by her trust. I'll do my best for her.
Ratbeard: Have yeh signed on any crew yet?
Subodai: Yes, all are MooShu sky-sailors.
Ratbeard: Can ye tell me their names?
Subodai: Certainly, Hao's on deck, Soon is pilot and Wen is in the crow's-nest.
Ratbeard: What's the name of the sailor on deck?
Subodai: Hao.
Ratbeard: What do yeh mean? Don't yeh know how?
Subodai: Of course I do, he's my cousin.
Ratbeard: Ain't ya going to tell me his name, then?
Subodai: Hao.
Ratbeard: Open yer gob and let the words spill out! When are yeh going to tell me?
Subodai: Wen is in the crow's-nest.
Ratbeard: How about the pilot, maybe yeh can tell me his name?
Subodai: Hao's on deck.
Ratbeard: Forget how! Tell me the pilot's name.
Subodai: Soon.
Ratbeard: Why not now.
Subodai: Nao is our cook.
Ratbeard: He's the cook, now?
Subodai: Yes.
Ratbeard: Then who's yer pilot.
Subodai: Hoo is not a member of the crew.
Ratbeard: Most of MooShu, I'm thinkin'! All I want to know is the pilot's name.
Sobodai: Soon
Ratbeard: When?
Subodai: Wen is in the crow's-nest.
Ratbeard: Forget the crow's-nest, I don't want to be there!
Subodai: Good, there's no room for two up there.
Ratbeard: So, soon you'll tell me the pilot's name?
Subodai: Yes.
Ratbeard: But I don't know when.
Subodai: He's in the crow's-nest, I can introduce you.
Ratbeard: Forget about that ruddy crow's-nest! I'll try a different tack, maybe yeh can tell me the name of the cook.
Subodai: Nao.
Ratbeard: No time like the present! So tell me now.
Subodai: Yes.
Ratbeard: Well, I'm waiting, but I want to know when.
Together: Crow's-nest!
Ratbeard: Now you'll tell me the name of yer bosun?
Subodai: Nao is our cook, the bosun is Fung Gui.
Ratbeard: Nice to hear that he's a barrel o' laughs, but when will you tell me his name?
Together: Crow's-nest!
Ratbeard: That's enough! I ask a few simple questions about the crew and I get told how to get on deck, soon I'll learn the pilot's name, but not now or even when!
Subodai: You've got it!
This made me laugh so~oooooo~ooooooo~OOOOOO hard! Keep it up!

First Mate
Mar 30, 2011
483
What did the pirate say to his companions during the parrrty?
"You guys party like animals"

Captain
Feb 11, 2010
630
Inspired from Sam Underhill's joke:

Why does Seamus keep napkins away from Peter Quint?

Because he's a Bounty Hunter

Gunner's Mate
May 28, 2013
294
With these kind of responses, there'll soon be a Mutiny on the Bounty.

Captain
Jan 17, 2013
749
(Before the final battle with kane, robert makes a speech) Robert: Blood alone moves the wheels of history! Have you ever asked yourselfs in an hour of meditation, which everyone finds during the day, how long we've been striving for greatness? Not only the years we've been at war, but from the moment as a child, we realized the world could be concurred! It has been a lifetime struggle, a never ending fight, i say to you and you will understand that IT IS A PRIVILEDGE TO FIGHT!!

Petty Officer
Sep 26, 2014
54
Q: Why do Cool Ranch Settlers dislike Ol' Fish Eye?

A: He's the reason they call it Cooper's Roost.

Captain
Jan 17, 2013
749
fearless robert sp... on Oct 30, 2014 wrote:
(Before the final battle with kane, robert makes a speech) Robert: Blood alone moves the wheels of history! Have you ever asked yourselfs in an hour of meditation, which everyone finds during the day, how long we've been striving for greatness? Not only the years we've been at war, but from the moment as a child, we realized the world could be concurred! It has been a lifetime struggle, a never ending fight, i say to you and you will understand that IT IS A PRIVILEDGE TO FIGHT!!
(Those were the powerful words of dwight schrute from the office, lol)

Commodore
May 31, 2009
873
A pirate walks into a Tavern, and runs into an old friend.

"What have ye been up to?" his friend asks, shocked at his appearance. "Last time I saw ye, ye still had all yer limbs!"

The pirate nods, but doesn't say anything.

"What happened to yer leg?" the friend asks, pointing to the pirate's peg leg.

"I was in broadside combat and it was blasted off by a cannon. Doc patched me up, and I was back in the Skyways within a month."

"I see. And, what about yer hand?"

"This?" the pirate replies, holding up his hook. "I attacked a Vulture Pirate ship and one of 'em got a lucky cut in. Doc gave me the hook and I was sailing again before two weeks had passed."

"Ouch. And, ah, what about yer eye?"

"A Skarakeet flew overhead as I was looking up."

Puzzled, the friend replies, "Well, that shouldn't have put out yer eye."

"No. Yeh see, I wasn't used to the hook yet..."

Gunner's Mate
Apr 01, 2013
234
Wow, Gaspard has been watching a lot of live-action masked heroes stuff (like Ultraman) lately. Why?

Gaspard: Because my favorite show is Power Rangerbils!

Banditoad Companion: C'mon...c'mon...confirmation...confirmation...

Don't worry Banditoad, I didn't leave you out. Why did he partner with the Fire Toad? He would make his enemies croak in fear!

Banditoad Companion: Oh my goodness, gracias, Laveer!

Mark Laveer, Buccaneer
Making references to obsolete anime dubs since 2013.

Gunner's Mate
May 28, 2013
294
There was another trial in the courtroom shortly after Catbeard's trial in Marleybone. Sam stayed to hear the comments of the first witness called, a grandmotherly lady called on as a character witness, and this is what he heard.

The prosecuting attorney approached his first witness, a woman he had known since childhood, to the stand.
He asked, "Mrs. Collie, do you know me?

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Pug. I've known you since you were a young pup, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, cheat, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit lawyer. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Collie, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Of course, I do. I've known Mr. Beagle since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire city. Yes, I know him."

The defense attorney turned red with embarassment.

The judge upon hearing the questions and answers thus far asked both counselors to approach the bench. In a very quiet voice he told them, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, I'll throw you in jail for contempt."

Pirate Overlord
Mar 10, 2009
6204
Sam Underhill on Nov 11, 2014 wrote:
There was another trial in the courtroom shortly after Catbeard's trial in Marleybone. Sam stayed to hear the comments of the first witness called, a grandmotherly lady called on as a character witness, and this is what he heard.

The prosecuting attorney approached his first witness, a woman he had known since childhood, to the stand.
He asked, "Mrs. Collie, do you know me?

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Pug. I've known you since you were a young pup, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, cheat, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit lawyer. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Collie, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Of course, I do. I've known Mr. Beagle since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire city. Yes, I know him."

The defense attorney turned red with embarassment.

The judge upon hearing the questions and answers thus far asked both counselors to approach the bench. In a very quiet voice he told them, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, I'll throw you in jail for contempt."
Lol. Brilliant as usual Sam. You can weave a storyline like no other. Thank you once again for the giggles.

Ensign
Apr 30, 2013
25
Why are pirates so bad at school?

Because they always get stuck on the letter arrrrrrrrrrrr!

Smart Aedan Zest 29

Ensign
Apr 30, 2013
25
Sorry another one!

What do the massive storm shark like eating?

Fish and Ships!

Smart Aedan Zest 29

Captain
Jan 17, 2013
749
Sam Underhill on Nov 11, 2014 wrote:
There was another trial in the courtroom shortly after Catbeard's trial in Marleybone. Sam stayed to hear the comments of the first witness called, a grandmotherly lady called on as a character witness, and this is what he heard.

The prosecuting attorney approached his first witness, a woman he had known since childhood, to the stand.
He asked, "Mrs. Collie, do you know me?

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Pug. I've known you since you were a young pup, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, cheat, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit lawyer. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Collie, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Of course, I do. I've known Mr. Beagle since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire city. Yes, I know him."

The defense attorney turned red with embarassment.

The judge upon hearing the questions and answers thus far asked both counselors to approach the bench. In a very quiet voice he told them, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, I'll throw you in jail for contempt."
Ha! That was awesome, well done again mate!

Captain
Jan 17, 2013
749
The Awesome Flyer on Nov 11, 2014 wrote:
Sorry another one!

What do the massive storm shark like eating?

Fish and Ships!

Smart Aedan Zest 29
Haha! Nice one man, fish and ships, ha!

Captain
Feb 11, 2010
630
Careful when picking out a turkey for Thanksgiving, make sure it isn't too Fowl.

...and be sure to enjoy this Holliday and Kid around!

Gunner's Mate
Apr 01, 2013
234
Time for some boss jokes!

What's the boss with the worst grammar? Engrish Bill, of course!

What is the best suitable boss speech for Armada commanders? "Hello, my name is ___, and I'm here to clean your clock."

What do Pirates wait for on Christmas? Santa, of course! No, not Santa Claus, the jolly man in a red suit, Santa Rana!

Mark Laveer, Bookaneer
SUMMON THE KRAKEN!!!

Dread Pirate
Jun 17, 2013
2743
What do you call a bipedal, swashbucklin' trainer?
- Morgan LaFeet

What do you call a Buccaneer trainer that also works for KingsIsle?

- MordeKI

What do you call a rootin', tootin', shootin', gun totin' pelican trainer that just can't say no to elderly trout?

- Ol' FishAye

What do you call a Privateer trainer that always pauses when opening and shutting doors?

- The CommaDoor

And what would you call a Hoodoo-ey, Witchdoctor trainer that always conjures up nice letters to her sweet mother?

- Madame Vadearma

Pirate Overlord
Mar 10, 2009
6204
ValkoorTheVictorio... on Dec 8, 2014 wrote:
What do you call a bipedal, swashbucklin' trainer?
- Morgan LaFeet

What do you call a Buccaneer trainer that also works for KingsIsle?

- MordeKI

What do you call a rootin', tootin', shootin', gun totin' pelican trainer that just can't say no to elderly trout?

- Ol' FishAye

What do you call a Privateer trainer that always pauses when opening and shutting doors?

- The CommaDoor

And what would you call a Hoodoo-ey, Witchdoctor trainer that always conjures up nice letters to her sweet mother?

- Madame Vadearma
LOL My favorite: MoredeKI

Dread Pirate
Jun 17, 2013
2743
ValkoorTheVictorio... on Dec 8, 2014 wrote:
What do you call a bipedal, swashbucklin' trainer?
- Morgan LaFeet

What do you call a Buccaneer trainer that also works for KingsIsle?

- MordeKI

What do you call a rootin', tootin', shootin', gun totin' pelican trainer that just can't say no to elderly trout?

- Ol' FishAye

What do you call a Privateer trainer that always pauses when opening and shutting doors?

- The CommaDoor

And what would you call a Hoodoo-ey, Witchdoctor trainer that always conjures up nice letters to her sweet mother?

- Madame Vadearma
Which P101 world do the inhabitants have the best vision?
- Skull Eyeland (With Valenseia being a close second)

Which world produces the most literary talents?
- Aquilla (some speculate that it's for the birds though)

Which world holds the most "unlocked" secrets in the Spiral?
- Monkeysta

Which P101 world are the most bibs produced in?
- Drool Ranch (also home to the most dental appointments)

Which world is the largest exporter of fly swatters and footwear?
- MooShoo, also natively known as MooShoe (well, Aquila is largest exporter of ReeBWOK)

And which world is known for getting up and standing up for it's rights and also for the citizens sometimes being scrooges.
- Well, Marleybone of course!

Oh and what world would you absolutely want to be in if you were choking on a Marshadillo?
- Grizzleheim-lich

Pirate Overlord
Mar 10, 2009
6204
ValkoorTheVictorio... on Dec 9, 2014 wrote:
Which P101 world do the inhabitants have the best vision?
- Skull Eyeland (With Valenseia being a close second)

Which world produces the most literary talents?
- Aquilla (some speculate that it's for the birds though)

Which world holds the most "unlocked" secrets in the Spiral?
- Monkeysta

Which P101 world are the most bibs produced in?
- Drool Ranch (also home to the most dental appointments)

Which world is the largest exporter of fly swatters and footwear?
- MooShoo, also natively known as MooShoe (well, Aquila is largest exporter of ReeBWOK)

And which world is known for getting up and standing up for it's rights and also for the citizens sometimes being scrooges.
- Well, Marleybone of course!

Oh and what world would you absolutely want to be in if you were choking on a Marshadillo?
- Grizzleheim-lich
LOL "Grizzleheim-lich" LMTO

Commodore
May 31, 2009
873
ValkoorTheVictorio... on Dec 9, 2014 wrote:
Which P101 world do the inhabitants have the best vision?
- Skull Eyeland (With Valenseia being a close second)

Which world produces the most literary talents?
- Aquilla (some speculate that it's for the birds though)

Which world holds the most "unlocked" secrets in the Spiral?
- Monkeysta

Which P101 world are the most bibs produced in?
- Drool Ranch (also home to the most dental appointments)

Which world is the largest exporter of fly swatters and footwear?
- MooShoo, also natively known as MooShoe (well, Aquila is largest exporter of ReeBWOK)

And which world is known for getting up and standing up for it's rights and also for the citizens sometimes being scrooges.
- Well, Marleybone of course!

Oh and what world would you absolutely want to be in if you were choking on a Marshadillo?
- Grizzleheim-lich
Grizzleheim-lich, LOL. How punny.

Dread Pirate
Jun 17, 2013
2743
Oh, I forgot one world!

What possible, future P101 world could easily be named after me?
- Dorkmoor

Ooh and this one just came to me too.

What P101 location would be best for keeping a lady pirate's head and shoulders warm?
- Scrimshawl (just provides further justification for above joke)

Commodore
May 31, 2009
873
ValkoorTheVictorio... on Dec 10, 2014 wrote:
Oh, I forgot one world!

What possible, future P101 world could easily be named after me?
- Dorkmoor

Ooh and this one just came to me too.

What P101 location would be best for keeping a lady pirate's head and shoulders warm?
- Scrimshawl (just provides further justification for above joke)
*tries to stop laughing but can't*

Captain
Dec 01, 2012
607
MistyDragon13 on Dec 9, 2014 wrote:
Grizzleheim-lich, LOL. How punny.
I'm embarrassed to say it took me all weekend to figure that one out.

But once I did,I loved it Valkoor old buddy.