Extremely Dry Jokes

AuthorMessage
Pirate Overlord
Mar 10, 2009
6079
ValkoorTheVictorio... on Mar 24, 2014 wrote:
Some of you reading this just may want to refill your jug of Yum first! Don't say I didn't warn you.

What do you get when you combine Dead Mike and Old Scratch, with a vehicle used in hockey games?
- A Zom-boney

How does a Goose Disciple come up with new ideas?
- He uses his imaginEggShun

How does El Toro feel when he gets sick?
- Just Torobull.....ARRRRIBA!

If Monkey King was Santa Clause, how would he deliver the presents to all the good pirates of the Spiral?
- He'd use the Chimpney

How does Subodai like his orange juice?
- From Khan-centrate

What superhero vehicle do you get when you cross a Vampire Hero with a Crane Master?
- The Bat Wing

What's Wing Chun's most distinguishing feature?
- His Crane-ium

If a Goose Master, Froggo Villa and Madame Vadima had a picnic on the beach, what would they bring to eat?
- Egg Sal-ad Sand-witch

................................sorry, had to take a swig of my yum- that was even too dry for me

How does the Helephant Destroyer, 'rise' above his enemies?
- Using a Helevator

What do you call the only cornstalk in a field that produces just one cobb?
- Iago....you know, a Uni-corn Rogue

How do you respond yes to a Mustang Gypsy?
- You Nad-ya (Ok- that was bad too)

In what way would Lefty be like Catbeard vacationing in Antarctica?
- They'd both be South-paws

Where is Kobe Yojimbo's favorite place to shop?
- Barns and No Bull

What do you get when Corporal Sanders is allowed to roam freely around a ranch?
- Free Range Chicken

How does the Chicken Miner fetch water?
- In a buck-buck-bucket

What is the favorite treat of the Rat Brigand companion?
- Marsh-Milos

How does Kobe Yojimbo blend into his surroundings?
- With cam-moo-flage

What do you call a Christmastime Companion launched through the air?
- A Missile toad

What do you call a P101 starter house for a Water Mole Obeah?
- A Mormo Dormo

What do you get when a Chicken Lawman tosses a gear into a fire?
- Rooster Cog-burn

What do you call a tattoo of a Star Wars character, on Ninja Pig's lower leg?
- Shin-Obi

What is an Eagle Warrior Princess's favorite type of reading material?
- A maga-Zeena

What do you get when you cross Starbursts with fireballs?
- Burst Fire

What do you get when a hurricane hits a Samoorai armory?
- Blade Storm

What do you get when you combine bug spray with surfers?
- Repel Boarders

What do you get when someone name Joe repeatedly yells into a canyon?
- Mo-Joe Echo

What do you call an authentic Southern dish?
- True Grit(s)

Th-Th-Th-Th-Th.....That's All Folks!
Wow, how did I miss this post. Delightfully dry with a hint of roguish grin. Not to mention hilarious. The goofy part of your brain must run non stop. Please what ever you feed it, never stop. I think my favorite in this one is the Mormo Dormo.

Dread Pirate
Jun 17, 2013
2699
Chrissy Th'Blesser on Mar 30, 2014 wrote:
Wow, how did I miss this post. Delightfully dry with a hint of roguish grin. Not to mention hilarious. The goofy part of your brain must run non stop. Please what ever you feed it, never stop. I think my favorite in this one is the Mormo Dormo.
Thank you Chrissy, I like that roguish grin part. And yes it is a particularly, perplexing part of my pituitary that produces practically perpetual and preposterous puns of positively plentiful proportions. It's appetite can not be satiated, so unfortunately for many- it is here to stay.

Thanks again for your always kind and supportive comments.

Pirate Overlord
Mar 10, 2009
6079
ValkoorTheVictorio... on Mar 31, 2014 wrote:
Thank you Chrissy, I like that roguish grin part. And yes it is a particularly, perplexing part of my pituitary that produces practically perpetual and preposterous puns of positively plentiful proportions. It's appetite can not be satiated, so unfortunately for many- it is here to stay.

Thanks again for your always kind and supportive comments.
"A Particularly, perplexing part of my pituitary that produces practically perpetual and preposterous puns of positively plentiful proportions." Wow I can actually say that without getting my tongue tangled around my eye teeth. Masterfully written. LOL

Gunner's Mate
May 28, 2013
284
After all that pickled herring, Catbeard had begun to have a weight issue. He went to the doctor, who prescribed a course of weight reducing pills. When Catbeard got back to the ship he started the treatment, but after two weeks he hadn't lost a single pound. That's when the doctor's bills began to arrive. It was clear that Catbeard was now a doc-billed fatty-puss.

Pirate Overlord
Mar 10, 2009
6079
Sam Underhill on Apr 1, 2014 wrote:
After all that pickled herring, Catbeard had begun to have a weight issue. He went to the doctor, who prescribed a course of weight reducing pills. When Catbeard got back to the ship he started the treatment, but after two weeks he hadn't lost a single pound. That's when the doctor's bills began to arrive. It was clear that Catbeard was now a doc-billed fatty-puss.
*Delightfully giggling* That was great and the set up was masterful.

Bosun
Oct 26, 2012
374
Why did the pirate cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide

Why should you not let old scratch visit marleybone?
Cause dogs may chase him.

Where do you play with a marleybone puppy?
In the Isle of fetch.

Why did the mooshu tea trader get sad when visiting the new pet PvP place?
He thought it was best-tea-ya.

(Not really a joke) What does PvP stand for?
Player vs Player... Or is it Pirate vs Pirate... Pet vs Pet perhaps?

What do you call a bunch of lion pirates?
Scarr, Mufasarr, Simbarr!

Funny thought of the day for me- Napoleguin surfing in surfs up.

Bosun
Oct 26, 2012
374
Sam Underhill on Apr 1, 2014 wrote:
After all that pickled herring, Catbeard had begun to have a weight issue. He went to the doctor, who prescribed a course of weight reducing pills. When Catbeard got back to the ship he started the treatment, but after two weeks he hadn't lost a single pound. That's when the doctor's bills began to arrive. It was clear that Catbeard was now a doc-billed fatty-puss.
I'm tempted to call him fatbeard after that.

Pirate Overlord
Mar 10, 2009
6079
Golden Guardian on Apr 3, 2014 wrote:
Why did the pirate cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide

Why should you not let old scratch visit marleybone?
Cause dogs may chase him.

Where do you play with a marleybone puppy?
In the Isle of fetch.

Why did the mooshu tea trader get sad when visiting the new pet PvP place?
He thought it was best-tea-ya.

(Not really a joke) What does PvP stand for?
Player vs Player... Or is it Pirate vs Pirate... Pet vs Pet perhaps?

What do you call a bunch of lion pirates?
Scarr, Mufasarr, Simbarr!

Funny thought of the day for me- Napoleguin surfing in surfs up.
Wonderful as usual. You are so creative. You totally got me with the Lion King Pirates. *Still giggling*

Pirate Overlord
Mar 16, 2012
5740
Golden Guardian on Apr 3, 2014 wrote:
Why did the pirate cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide

Why should you not let old scratch visit marleybone?
Cause dogs may chase him.

Where do you play with a marleybone puppy?
In the Isle of fetch.

Why did the mooshu tea trader get sad when visiting the new pet PvP place?
He thought it was best-tea-ya.

(Not really a joke) What does PvP stand for?
Player vs Player... Or is it Pirate vs Pirate... Pet vs Pet perhaps?

What do you call a bunch of lion pirates?
Scarr, Mufasarr, Simbarr!

Funny thought of the day for me- Napoleguin surfing in surfs up.
Groan!!!! So bad it was good!

Bosun
Oct 26, 2012
374
Time to get dry with a lot of ARR jokes...

What did the witch doctor say when defeating an enemy?
Boo-Yar!

What is a pirates favourite sport?
It be golf, they love to hit a parr!

What is a pirates favourite vehicle?
A Carr. Usually a ferrarri

Where do pirates drink yum?
In a barr

Where do pirates fly space ships?
In a galaxy farr farr away... Occasionally they fight Darrth Vadarr...

What is a pirates favourite chocolate?
Marrs Barrs . Marrs also be their favourite planet

What do you call a bunch of aquilan eagle pirates?
Sparrtans

What do you call a pirate that likes to plant pretty roses?
I dunno. But I do know that Garrdeners like to plant roses.

What do you call a pirate that can control all the elements?
Avatarr.

What do you call a pirate dinosaur?
Stromzillarr

Where do pirates fight?
In a ship. Or the Sparr chamber

What do pirates wear when they stink of funky bunch bananarrs?
De-odarr-ent

Where do pirates live?
In an aparrtment

What is a pirates favourite racing game?
Eagle Galleon Racing 2. Or Mario Karrt

Why class is zeena?
The is an arrcher. In her spare time she plays with darrts.

What did El Toro ask before he got engaged to Mustang Sally
Hey, can you please mARRy me?

How do pirates navigate?
They look at a map. Or the starrs.

Arr you done with the arr jokes dino?
Maybe

What is the end of the world?
Arrmageddon.

Ok Dino. So um... what did the pirate say when all the ARR jokes were said?
All the good jokes arr gone me matey.

Gunner's Mate
May 28, 2013
284
As we all know, William Penn, founder of Pennsylvania, had two aunts - Sophia and Hattie. During the war, the price of pies skyrocketed at all the bakeries in town - so much so that only the rich could afford to buy them.

Sophia and Hattie were incensed that average folk could not afford to buy pies, so they used their own cooking skills to bake 100 pies a day - then sell them for three pennies less than the bakeries were charging. The bakeries caught on quick and lowered their prices so that all the people could afford to buy pies again.

And so it is to this day that we take off our hats to Sophia and Hattie - and the famous "Pie rates of Penn's aunts."

Admiral
Jul 27, 2012
1190
Sam, that was absolutely terrible ... can't stop laughing...

Pirate Overlord
Mar 10, 2009
6079
Sam Underhill on Apr 9, 2014 wrote:
As we all know, William Penn, founder of Pennsylvania, had two aunts - Sophia and Hattie. During the war, the price of pies skyrocketed at all the bakeries in town - so much so that only the rich could afford to buy them.

Sophia and Hattie were incensed that average folk could not afford to buy pies, so they used their own cooking skills to bake 100 pies a day - then sell them for three pennies less than the bakeries were charging. The bakeries caught on quick and lowered their prices so that all the people could afford to buy pies again.

And so it is to this day that we take off our hats to Sophia and Hattie - and the famous "Pie rates of Penn's aunts."
Oh My Goodness Sam that is beyond clever. That is even better than my privateer joke from way back in the threads. Way better. Your cleverness never ceases to amaze me.

Gunner's Mate
May 28, 2013
284
Chrissy Th'Blesser on Apr 9, 2014 wrote:
Oh My Goodness Sam that is beyond clever. That is even better than my privateer joke from way back in the threads. Way better. Your cleverness never ceases to amaze me.
While I would love to take credit for being clever (doesn't happen that often), this is just a retelling of an old standard. Same with the Catbeard joke, just reworded for here. Sorry to spoil everyone's perception of me as being funny, smart, witty, handsome, debonair...

Pirate Overlord
Mar 10, 2009
6079
Sam Underhill on Apr 9, 2014 wrote:
While I would love to take credit for being clever (doesn't happen that often), this is just a retelling of an old standard. Same with the Catbeard joke, just reworded for here. Sorry to spoil everyone's perception of me as being funny, smart, witty, handsome, debonair...
Nice try My opinion of you still stands.

Ensign
Nov 29, 2013
21
Pirate Overlord
Mar 16, 2012
5740
More arrr jokes
What is a pirates favorite alternative power source?
Nuclearrr
His/hers favorite parrrty food and bevarrrage?
Pizzarr and Cokarr-Colarrr
Favorite song?
Sink the Bismarrrk!
Favorite cheese?
Parrrmesan ( unless you arrr fighting Etttins in the Cave of Parrrma, "parrrra el queso!")
Favorite way to laugh?
Harr de harrr harrr!
Favorite dance?
The Horarrr or the hularrr
Why I'm doing this so early in the morning?
Insomniarrrr!