Extremely Dry Jokes

AuthorMessage
Captain
May 16, 2011
553
What do pirates think of Noah of The Bible?
He had an impressive ARRRk.

How many message board marauders does it take to beat the Armada?
None - They fled when they heard us coming.

Where might a pirate hide a shamrock?
In a treasure box, duh.

What does it take to anger your crew?
Tell a lot of dry jokes.

Ensign
Jul 26, 2009
38
Pirate: Hey Mustang Sally?
Sally: What?
Pirate: Why the long face? (because she's a horse)
....
Sally: You know what, I have been feeling a little down lately, thanks for asking.
Pirate: Oh no! What's wrong?!
Sally: Well, you're the fifth person to tell me that joke today!

***Attempt number 2 at a successful joke.

Bosun
Aug 08, 2012
304
How many bottles of yum you can put on the wall?
100, then take one down and drink it until it's all gone, then do it over again until there is 0 left.

What was the ship after El Toro crashed it?
Shipwrecked.

Why did the pirate hit the armada with his forearm in Valencia?
He was foreign.

Why is El Toro a bull?
Because his name means "The Bull."

First Mate
Oct 15, 2012
449
This is an extremely dry pirate101 themed captain obvious. It might not make sense.
I find it very useful that the armada are collecting the other map pieces so I have less work. But I find it extremely hard to find the map pieces when the armada has them.

Bosun
Oct 26, 2012
374
What do you say to Ratbeard before you take his photo?
"Say Cheese!"

What classes are chicken rangers?
Either swash-buck-lers of buck-aneers

What Ophidian snake somehow travelled to word war 1?
Black Adder

Where do pirates relax?
In the spa chamber

What is musketeers favourite football/soccer team?
Arsenal- gotta love the gunners.

What do pirates do in the gym whilst waiting for the next word update?
Wait-Lifting

What do you call a bunch of robot pirates?
The ArrMarrDarr

Commodore
Jan 22, 2013
846
What is a Favorite city? Tampa bay! You get it? The Tampa bay buccaneers!
What is a Favorite pastime? Swashing there buckles!
What kind of drink did the Order with his sandwich? Mojo juice!
What does a Dress like for halloween? A frilly shirt with a feathery hat and tights! (Three musketeers.)
What saying do Like to say when they heal someone? A bird on the head is worth 2 in my spell deck!

-Jack nightgale lvl 65 buccaneer

Pirate Overlord
Mar 10, 2009
6038
Thunder Hawk on Mar 14, 2014 wrote:
What do pirates think of Noah of The Bible?
He had an impressive ARRRk.

How many message board marauders does it take to beat the Armada?
None - They fled when they heard us coming.

Where might a pirate hide a shamrock?
In a treasure box, duh.

What does it take to anger your crew?
Tell a lot of dry jokes.
"They fled when they heard us comming" I just love your attitude. Great stuff.

Pirate Overlord
Mar 10, 2009
6038
Golden Guardian on Mar 15, 2014 wrote:
What do you say to Ratbeard before you take his photo?
"Say Cheese!"

What classes are chicken rangers?
Either swash-buck-lers of buck-aneers

What Ophidian snake somehow travelled to word war 1?
Black Adder

Where do pirates relax?
In the spa chamber

What is musketeers favourite football/soccer team?
Arsenal- gotta love the gunners.

What do pirates do in the gym whilst waiting for the next word update?
Wait-Lifting

What do you call a bunch of robot pirates?
The ArrMarrDarr
Lol Wait Lifting That's really good.

Captain
Jun 26, 2010
568
I must say these be some jokes here me hearty's.

- Deadeye Jack Morgan

Bosun
Aug 08, 2012
304
Gunner's Mate
May 28, 2013
282
Which Companion has the coolest car?

Mustang Sally

What did Tonka say when he sent his boy off to school?

Bye son

What's Catbeard's favorite movie?

The Sound of Mew-sic

What do you say to Gortez when he's wearing ear muffs?

Anything you want, he can't hear you

Why was the Samoorai eating grass?

He thought he was a lawn moo-er

Why is Bonnie Anne hard of hearing?

She has a musket-ear

What do you call an Inoshishi Bandit who has learned karate?

Porkchop

What does the Sky Snake Companion study in school?

Hiss-tory

Pirate Overlord
Mar 10, 2009
6038
Sam Underhill on Mar 17, 2014 wrote:
Which Companion has the coolest car?

Mustang Sally

What did Tonka say when he sent his boy off to school?

Bye son

What's Catbeard's favorite movie?

The Sound of Mew-sic

What do you say to Gortez when he's wearing ear muffs?

Anything you want, he can't hear you

Why was the Samoorai eating grass?

He thought he was a lawn moo-er

Why is Bonnie Anne hard of hearing?

She has a musket-ear

What do you call an Inoshishi Bandit who has learned karate?

Porkchop

What does the Sky Snake Companion study in school?

Hiss-tory
Oh Sam that was truly groanariffic. x Ships an grateful case of Yum to The Golden Guardian for thinking up this wonderful thread & ships a large bottle to every contributor. *

Dread Pirate
Jun 17, 2013
2674
ValkoorTheVictorio... on Mar 13, 2014 wrote:
What is every pirate's favorite companion?
- Either Arrrgos or Eagle Arrrcher

What other profession would The Tiger Auxillary choose if he wasn't piratin'?
- A Cop...because he always wanted to Bagh-a Khan.

Why was Bonnie Anne using cheddar cheese for ammunition?
- Well, she is a Sharp-shooter.

What's a pirate's favorite holiday?
- Duck Holliday

What companion loves to cook raw fish?
- The Inosushi Chef

Which companion would make a good talk show host?
- Lt. Springer

Why was Mustang Sally putting up a partition around her house?
- Because she is a fencer

What do you call a facial mark that is covered by the tears of a madman?
- Romba...you know, a Crazed Water Mole

What group of companions absolutely love cheese?
- The Valvida Brothers (Valveeta)

What do you call a skin irritation that has hung around forever?
- Old Scratch

What do you call a big yellow automobile that is always making wrong turns and driving the wrong way?
- A Blunder-bus

What is El Toro's favorite message board thread?
- A Masked Ball in Padova

What is Hawkules favorite breakfast food?
- Ego Waffles

What is Barnabus' favorite movie?
- The Goonies

Why would El Toro be kicked off the Message Boards?
- Because he is always Riposting

What do you get when you combine a Dog Corsair with a Buccaneer Trainer?
- A Jack Hammer

What crime was Catbeard imprisoned for?
- Littering

Why was the Eagle warrior bouncing up and down softly?
- Because he is a Hoplite

What is a Witchdoctor's favorite fruit?
- Jujube

What other job would a know-it-all ship Captain be good at?
- A News Anchor

What do you call grass that grows without sunlight?
- Blades of Shade(s)

Why is Eurymachus always bowing and folding his hands?
- Because he is Praytorian

That's all for now...I know, I know- thank goodness!!
What do you get when you throw Catbeard, Shiruku Neko and a Cat Pirate into a jumbo clothes dryer?
- Meow Mix

What is Catbeard and Sarah Steele's favorite game to play?
- Cat and Mouse

Where is a certain Ophidian Archer's favorite vacation spot?
- Pariss

What is the 2-headed dog's (from Illios) favorite track & field event?
- Diskus

What do you get when a giant bird from Aquila blocks the sun?
- Eagle Shade

Who is the Vulture Leader's (found in Nevermind Cave) favorite singer/drummer?
-David Grohl

What is the Raven Witchdoctor boss's favorite movie?
- Medea's Family Reunion

What is the half-goat, half-humans, from Achaea, favorite day of the week?
- Satyrday

What do you call a physician that just can't give you a positive answer?
- Doctor Noh

What do you call a pig that is always whispering sweet nothings to a giraffe?
- An Inoshishi Neck-romancer

Which criminal's favorite holiday is New Year's Eve?
- Midnight Bandit

Who is the cleanest Eagle in Aquila?
- Ajax

What Armada enemy's second job is preaching the gospel?
- Deacon

What is the favorite band of Lucky Jack Russell, Gracie Conrad and Handsome Dan? (oh, & Tah Mee Shaw)?
- Styx

What do you get when you combine Ratbeard's most & least favorite 80's/90's Hair Bands?
- Ratt Poison

What is Catbeard's favorite song?
- Cat Scratch Fever

What is every Isle of Fetch Ship Captain's favorite band?
- Bob Marley and the Whalers

What is Nurse Quinn's favorite band?
- The Cure

Who is Scorpius' favorite singer?
- Sting

What is Temujin, the Horse Khan's, least favorite band?
- The Police

What is El Toro's favorite 80's band?
- Devo

What is Zeena and Hercules favorite band?
- Eagles

What is a Monquistador's favorite band?
- The Monkees

What is Gortez's favorite 80's band?
- Bananarama

What is Brother Owl's favorite band?
- The Who

What are Fin Dorsal's two favorite 80's bands?
- Great White and Crowded House (..?..)

What 90's band do you get when the Frogfather falls into a puddle, holding Bishop's Charm?
- Toad the Wet Sprocket

What are the MooShu Guardian's favorite rock bands (70's/80's/90's+)?
  • Earth Guardian - Soundgarden
  • Wood Guardian- Screaming Trees
  • Fire Guardian- Red Hot Chili Peppers
  • Water Guardian- Oasis
  • Metal Guardian- Iron Maiden/Metallica/Led Zeppelin
(Sorry I know that all the 70'/80's/90's music references show my age a bit, but I am a child of those decades- plus I thought Blind Mew might enjoy some of the references, since he stated he was a child of the 80's)

What two Cool Ranch enemies do you get when you step on nail?
- Captain Blood and Captain Foote

What is One-Eyed Jack's favorite movie?
- Patch Adams

What is the Wood Guardian's favorite movie?
- Forrest Gump

Why is El Toro always falling for Monkey King's tricks?
- Because he is so gulli-bull

What do you get when you put Saki Ito (vendor from MooShu) in a large clothes dryer? (after the kitties have exited, of course)
- A milkshake

What kind of business would Kobe Yojimbo like to start?
- A moo-ving company


Pirate Overlord
Mar 10, 2009
6038
ValkoorTheVictorio... on Mar 18, 2014 wrote:
What do you get when you throw Catbeard, Shiruku Neko and a Cat Pirate into a jumbo clothes dryer?
- Meow Mix

What is Catbeard and Sarah Steele's favorite game to play?
- Cat and Mouse

Where is a certain Ophidian Archer's favorite vacation spot?
- Pariss

What is the 2-headed dog's (from Illios) favorite track & field event?
- Diskus

What do you get when a giant bird from Aquila blocks the sun?
- Eagle Shade

Who is the Vulture Leader's (found in Nevermind Cave) favorite singer/drummer?
-David Grohl

What is the Raven Witchdoctor boss's favorite movie?
- Medea's Family Reunion

What is the half-goat, half-humans, from Achaea, favorite day of the week?
- Satyrday

What do you call a physician that just can't give you a positive answer?
- Doctor Noh

What do you call a pig that is always whispering sweet nothings to a giraffe?
- An Inoshishi Neck-romancer

Which criminal's favorite holiday is New Year's Eve?
- Midnight Bandit

Who is the cleanest Eagle in Aquila?
- Ajax

What Armada enemy's second job is preaching the gospel?
- Deacon

What is the favorite band of Lucky Jack Russell, Gracie Conrad and Handsome Dan? (oh, & Tah Mee Shaw)?
- Styx

What do you get when you combine Ratbeard's most & least favorite 80's/90's Hair Bands?
- Ratt Poison

What is Catbeard's favorite song?
- Cat Scratch Fever

What is every Isle of Fetch Ship Captain's favorite band?
- Bob Marley and the Whalers

What is Nurse Quinn's favorite band?
- The Cure

Who is Scorpius' favorite singer?
- Sting

What is Temujin, the Horse Khan's, least favorite band?
- The Police

What is El Toro's favorite 80's band?
- Devo

What is Zeena and Hercules favorite band?
- Eagles

What is a Monquistador's favorite band?
- The Monkees

What is Gortez's favorite 80's band?
- Bananarama

What is Brother Owl's favorite band?
- The Who

What are Fin Dorsal's two favorite 80's bands?
- Great White and Crowded House (..?..)

What 90's band do you get when the Frogfather falls into a puddle, holding Bishop's Charm?
- Toad the Wet Sprocket

What are the MooShu Guardian's favorite rock bands (70's/80's/90's+)?
  • Earth Guardian - Soundgarden
  • Wood Guardian- Screaming Trees
  • Fire Guardian- Red Hot Chili Peppers
  • Water Guardian- Oasis
  • Metal Guardian- Iron Maiden/Metallica/Led Zeppelin
(Sorry I know that all the 70'/80's/90's music references show my age a bit, but I am a child of those decades- plus I thought Blind Mew might enjoy some of the references, since he stated he was a child of the 80's)

What two Cool Ranch enemies do you get when you step on nail?
- Captain Blood and Captain Foote

What is One-Eyed Jack's favorite movie?
- Patch Adams

What is the Wood Guardian's favorite movie?
- Forrest Gump

Why is El Toro always falling for Monkey King's tricks?
- Because he is so gulli-bull

What do you get when you put Saki Ito (vendor from MooShu) in a large clothes dryer? (after the kitties have exited, of course)
- A milkshake

What kind of business would Kobe Yojimbo like to start?
- A moo-ving company

Oh......My.......Gronaness These are beyond awesome. I think I laughed hardest at the Inoshishi Necromancer one but the others are so close it is hard to call it a favorite. I am sure that in your world all giggle and giggle-groan muscles are buffed to the max.

Captain
May 13, 2011
564
what happens when the flotsam barkeep takes over the bazaar?
he becomes the jack of all trades

what do you call an armada soldier who has gone rogue?
a crooke

what do you call Louis le bisque and napoleguin when they are lost in the desert?

French fries

Gunner's Mate
May 28, 2013
282
What show did the Scare-a-keets go see?
The Parrots of Penzance

What do you get when you cross Bhaga Khan with a snowman?
Frostbite

What do you call a Samoorai in Polaris?
An eskimoo

What is Subodai's favorite sport?
Stable tennis

What is the Inoshishi Necromancer's favorite ballet?
Swine Lake

What is Nurse Quinn's favorite vegan dish?
Eggplant

Who is Lucky Jack Russell's favorite comedian?
Growl-cho Marx

What us the Frogfather's favorite game?
Croak-quet

Dread Pirate
Jun 17, 2013
2674
Sam Underhill on Mar 23, 2014 wrote:
What show did the Scare-a-keets go see?
The Parrots of Penzance

What do you get when you cross Bhaga Khan with a snowman?
Frostbite

What do you call a Samoorai in Polaris?
An eskimoo

What is Subodai's favorite sport?
Stable tennis

What is the Inoshishi Necromancer's favorite ballet?
Swine Lake

What is Nurse Quinn's favorite vegan dish?
Eggplant

Who is Lucky Jack Russell's favorite comedian?
Growl-cho Marx

What us the Frogfather's favorite game?
Croak-quet
Oh my, just too funny Sam Swine Lake and Growl-cho Marx- just priceless (ooh and Stable tennis). And you know Blind Mew has got to love the Parrots of Penzance joke- hopefully he saw it. Eggplant....

Dread Pirate
Jun 17, 2013
2674
ValkoorTheVictorio... on Mar 18, 2014 wrote:
What do you get when you throw Catbeard, Shiruku Neko and a Cat Pirate into a jumbo clothes dryer?
- Meow Mix

What is Catbeard and Sarah Steele's favorite game to play?
- Cat and Mouse

Where is a certain Ophidian Archer's favorite vacation spot?
- Pariss

What is the 2-headed dog's (from Illios) favorite track & field event?
- Diskus

What do you get when a giant bird from Aquila blocks the sun?
- Eagle Shade

Who is the Vulture Leader's (found in Nevermind Cave) favorite singer/drummer?
-David Grohl

What is the Raven Witchdoctor boss's favorite movie?
- Medea's Family Reunion

What is the half-goat, half-humans, from Achaea, favorite day of the week?
- Satyrday

What do you call a physician that just can't give you a positive answer?
- Doctor Noh

What do you call a pig that is always whispering sweet nothings to a giraffe?
- An Inoshishi Neck-romancer

Which criminal's favorite holiday is New Year's Eve?
- Midnight Bandit

Who is the cleanest Eagle in Aquila?
- Ajax

What Armada enemy's second job is preaching the gospel?
- Deacon

What is the favorite band of Lucky Jack Russell, Gracie Conrad and Handsome Dan? (oh, & Tah Mee Shaw)?
- Styx

What do you get when you combine Ratbeard's most & least favorite 80's/90's Hair Bands?
- Ratt Poison

What is Catbeard's favorite song?
- Cat Scratch Fever

What is every Isle of Fetch Ship Captain's favorite band?
- Bob Marley and the Whalers

What is Nurse Quinn's favorite band?
- The Cure

Who is Scorpius' favorite singer?
- Sting

What is Temujin, the Horse Khan's, least favorite band?
- The Police

What is El Toro's favorite 80's band?
- Devo

What is Zeena and Hercules favorite band?
- Eagles

What is a Monquistador's favorite band?
- The Monkees

What is Gortez's favorite 80's band?
- Bananarama

What is Brother Owl's favorite band?
- The Who

What are Fin Dorsal's two favorite 80's bands?
- Great White and Crowded House (..?..)

What 90's band do you get when the Frogfather falls into a puddle, holding Bishop's Charm?
- Toad the Wet Sprocket

What are the MooShu Guardian's favorite rock bands (70's/80's/90's+)?
  • Earth Guardian - Soundgarden
  • Wood Guardian- Screaming Trees
  • Fire Guardian- Red Hot Chili Peppers
  • Water Guardian- Oasis
  • Metal Guardian- Iron Maiden/Metallica/Led Zeppelin
(Sorry I know that all the 70'/80's/90's music references show my age a bit, but I am a child of those decades- plus I thought Blind Mew might enjoy some of the references, since he stated he was a child of the 80's)

What two Cool Ranch enemies do you get when you step on nail?
- Captain Blood and Captain Foote

What is One-Eyed Jack's favorite movie?
- Patch Adams

What is the Wood Guardian's favorite movie?
- Forrest Gump

Why is El Toro always falling for Monkey King's tricks?
- Because he is so gulli-bull

What do you get when you put Saki Ito (vendor from MooShu) in a large clothes dryer? (after the kitties have exited, of course)
- A milkshake

What kind of business would Kobe Yojimbo like to start?
- A moo-ving company

Some of you reading this just may want to refill your jug of Yum first! Don't say I didn't warn you.

What do you get when you combine Dead Mike and Old Scratch, with a vehicle used in hockey games?
- A Zom-boney

How does a Goose Disciple come up with new ideas?
- He uses his imaginEggShun

How does El Toro feel when he gets sick?
- Just Torobull.....ARRRRIBA!

If Monkey King was Santa Clause, how would he deliver the presents to all the good pirates of the Spiral?
- He'd use the Chimpney

How does Subodai like his orange juice?
- From Khan-centrate

What superhero vehicle do you get when you cross a Vampire Hero with a Crane Master?
- The Bat Wing

What's Wing Chun's most distinguishing feature?
- His Crane-ium

If a Goose Master, Froggo Villa and Madame Vadima had a picnic on the beach, what would they bring to eat?
- Egg Sal-ad Sand-witch

................................sorry, had to take a swig of my yum- that was even too dry for me

How does the Helephant Destroyer, 'rise' above his enemies?
- Using a Helevator

What do you call the only cornstalk in a field that produces just one cobb?
- Iago....you know, a Uni-corn Rogue

How do you respond yes to a Mustang Gypsy?
- You Nad-ya (Ok- that was bad too)

In what way would Lefty be like Catbeard vacationing in Antarctica?
- They'd both be South-paws

Where is Kobe Yojimbo's favorite place to shop?
- Barns and No Bull

What do you get when Corporal Sanders is allowed to roam freely around a ranch?
- Free Range Chicken

How does the Chicken Miner fetch water?
- In a buck-buck-bucket

What is the favorite treat of the Rat Brigand companion?
- Marsh-Milos

How does Kobe Yojimbo blend into his surroundings?
- With cam-moo-flage

What do you call a Christmastime Companion launched through the air?
- A Missile toad

What do you call a P101 starter house for a Water Mole Obeah?
- A Mormo Dormo

What do you get when a Chicken Lawman tosses a gear into a fire?
- Rooster Cog-burn

What do you call a tattoo of a Star Wars character, on Ninja Pig's lower leg?
- Shin-Obi

What is an Eagle Warrior Princess's favorite type of reading material?
- A maga-Zeena

What do you get when you cross Starbursts with fireballs?
- Burst Fire

What do you get when a hurricane hits a Samoorai armory?
- Blade Storm

What do you get when you combine bug spray with surfers?
- Repel Boarders

What do you get when someone name Joe repeatedly yells into a canyon?
- Mo-Joe Echo

What do you call an authentic Southern dish?
- True Grit(s)

Th-Th-Th-Th-Th.....That's All Folks!

Pirate Overlord
Mar 10, 2009
6038
Sam Underhill on Mar 23, 2014 wrote:
What show did the Scare-a-keets go see?
The Parrots of Penzance

What do you get when you cross Bhaga Khan with a snowman?
Frostbite

What do you call a Samoorai in Polaris?
An eskimoo

What is Subodai's favorite sport?
Stable tennis

What is the Inoshishi Necromancer's favorite ballet?
Swine Lake

What is Nurse Quinn's favorite vegan dish?
Eggplant

Who is Lucky Jack Russell's favorite comedian?
Growl-cho Marx

What us the Frogfather's favorite game?
Croak-quet
Oh man the fun just never stops. The giggles abound whenever I delve once more into this thread. Sam you are a Master. Please NEVER take any dares about not being punny.

Gunner's Mate
Jul 08, 2013
263
here's one i have made up what is buster crabs fave dessert CRAB CAKES!

Bosun
Oct 26, 2012
374
Which Pirate likes to direct movies?

DEL TORO!! (Directors of many epic movies like pacific rim and the upcoming Godzilla...)

What did the sea monster say when reading this thread?
All these jokes are Kraken me up!

What is the wettest world in the spiral?
Drizzleheim... Well that's more of a wet joke rather than a dry joke...

Bosun
Oct 26, 2012
374
I would like to thank everyone who shared a joke. It is funny and it's great to see the puns and dry stuff you guys come up with.

Dread Pirate
Jun 17, 2013
2674
Golden Guardian on Mar 25, 2014 wrote:
I would like to thank everyone who shared a joke. It is funny and it's great to see the puns and dry stuff you guys come up with.
Well, thank you Dino for starting such a fun, light-hearted and dry thread. It is a nice change of pace and very enjoyable to be able to read all of the great jokes that so many fellow pirates have come up with. Who doesn't love a good laugh? You have a great sense of humor and every time I read something of yours, I come away with a smile- often from something funny, yet cleverly inserted (and not so obvious) into your posts.

Great idea and thanks for sharing in the laughs.

Captain
May 13, 2011
564
whats the armadas favorite source of light?

the beacon (it rhymes with deacon)

Captain
Oct 15, 2012
539
(these question jokes i dont get at all and most of them are unfunny,but when you put a comedian like myself into it maybe i can make it at very least...ok)
Why is ratbeard atheist?
He thought the bible was a gift card for buying a bunch of bulls.
why does valencia not have six flags?
because it's a world where they work so hard,there's no time for play(and because p101 is based on the 1700s pirate age)
What is gracie's favorite tf2 class
the engineer because it's very useful,what you expected she liked it just because she's an engineer?
did you know the commodore has a birth defect?
he has a third ear which he hides under his hat which is why he trains PRIVATE-EERS.
Why did the cool ranch people cross the road
Kane:if you dare finish that joke,i am going to bomb marleybone.
what is vadima's least favorite infected in left 4 dead?
Witches,espically those dressed as doctors.