We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming to bring you BREAKING NEWS!
Have you ever wanted to explore the Spiral’s vast terrain and meet intriguing creatures without ever leaving the comfort of your own couch? Well now you can!
Introducing the all new Couch Potato Mount – an a-peel-ing new way to traverse the Spiral. Not only does it supply a 40% speed boost, but it also offers incredible benefits such as:
Being able to tune out your companions by turning on your favorite movie
Staying in your pajamas all day
Keeping up to date on every new episode before your friends inevitably spoil them
But that’s not all!
We know entertainment is best cooked up via watch parties so we also included two free self-proclaimed “TV Experts” who will:
Supply TV and movie recommendations when you’re feeling indecisive
Chew food obnoxiously loud throughout the duration of whatever you’re watching
Bicker during the most pivotal part of the movie
You’ll be best spuds in no time!
So … does it feel like a perfect mash for you? If so, you can purchase this glorious mount in the Crown Shop for just 4,321 Crowns. Hurry though – this mount will be saying “cya tater” on April 29th, 2021.
*Disclaimer: We are not responsible for any laziness, bad recommendations, or other issues that may arise from prolonged use. We strongly encourage all pirates to take breaks in order to rest their eyes and minds.*
What Pirates Are Saying About the Couch Potato Mount!
“Some people call it lazy; I call it efficient. I yam what I yam and you know what, I’m proud of it.” – Virtuous Vanessa
“The Couch Potato Mount? Yeah, it’s great! Wait, hold that tot … my show is coming back on!” – Little Natalie Silver
“Sometimes the so-called “TV Experts” boil my blood, but we make sure to politely hash out any disagreements.” – Husky Kevin Moone
And now … back to your regularly scheduled programming …