Congrats Valkoor Lieutenant Rank!

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AuthorMessage
Dread Pirate
Jun 17, 2013
2699
Chrissy Th'Blesser on Jan 12, 2014 wrote:
I am SO enjoying this in so many levels. I completely lost it at Toro's pleading of "Not in the face...anything gut the face". You have totally captured his foibles in such a hilarious way. Then this line:
"As the menacing object revealed its sinister objectives, the crew was left gazing at the revelations of its ominous intentions." You have set the stage for such delightful drama and then you stretch it with that great line sharing that sets the scene perfectly.
Bonnie Anne's last line was the cherry on top. I do believe that "Getting Underhilled" is a brand new verb that will be in use by many a lucky poster that just happens to fall into the sights of such a master of gigglepraising, our much loved Dr. Sam.

You have truly outdone yourself in great literary style and totally answered the challenge of being 'Underhilled'.
Thanks again Chrissy, I am glad you enjoyed it. Speaking of dictionaries, you had me double checking one with foibles. The literary writing doesn't come too very easily to me, so I have to work at it a bit- I am much more at home with the creatively goofy-natured writings. Unfortunately my brain seems to produce the best work with things that don't hold much meaning. But that is what makes me....me I guess.

Dread Pirate
Jun 17, 2013
2699
ValkoorTheVictorio... on Jan 12, 2014 wrote:
Before the cumbersome Galleon could maneuver into attacking position, the nimble vessel had closed to within striking distance. And with a surprisingly silent flourish it let loose something from the top mast.

“We be doomed,” hollered Ratbeard. “Hit the Deck,” gasped Bonnie. “Prepare for impact,” warned Barnabus. “Save the rations,” emphasized Goronado. “Not in the face…anything but the face,” El Toro pleaded.

As the menacing object revealed its sinister objectives, the crew was left gazing at the revelations of its ominous intentions.

“It’s too late Cap'n for…” started Bonnie Anne.

“We have been struck by none other than…” Ratbeard progressed.

“A deadly barrage of…” continued El Toro.

“Words of kindness.” Finished Valkoor.

“Now dat be truly diabolical my Captain,” Old Scratch added.

As Valkoor attempted to recover from the angst of the moment he could think of only one thing to say.

“Thanks SAM, I am quite OVERwhelmed.”

“No Cap'n, but I do believe you were UNDERhilled!” Bonnie Anne cheered, and with that the once near silent crew broke into thunderous laughter.

“Let’s go grab Goro something to eat.”
The Captain and his crew emerged from their quarters after having indulged in a meal of salmagundi and cackle fruit- a meal truly fit for an ape. Valkoor noticed that the adroit vessel had munificently bestowed a larger patch of Skyway between the two ships. The Captain and crew of the other ship appeared to be in slight disarray, scrambling maladroitly to undo their acts of a generous nature. This was troubling to Valkoor to say the least. His thoughts once again betrayed him as they created a voracious vortex, eager to swallow his sanity whole.

'What could they possibly be planning? Should I brace my crew for another attack, albeit the mysterious Captain had just offered up such benevolence. Is this just a part of his Machiavellian scheme to swindle me into letting down my guard? Why do I not think or speak more like a pirate? Who is this enigmatic Captain and what does he want and furthermore, why must I insist on wearing linsey-woolsey undergarments?'

"Ratbeard, fetch me my chaffing powder," Valkoor ordered. "Wait, Bonnie...where's Ratbeard?" At that very moment the missing culprit appeared from the crew's quarters.

"I be here Cap'n, sorry for the delay as I was down below- ladling with Barnabus, watching Tom and Jerry reruns...wait, did I say that out loud...Blasted Barnacles."

"But television has yet to be invented you furry, flea-bitten fool," riposted El Toro.

"Uh, that's beside the point...What did I miss?"

"It appears that the other ship's cunning Captain is up to something again....scurry up to the crow's nest and see if you can get a better look," Bonnie quipped with a simper.

"So you want a nearly-blind, elderly rat, with only one good leg who walks with a cane to climb all the way up there?" Ratbeard blurted, hoping to illicit offers from other crew members.

"Fine, I'll do it myself- just like a rat to have a lady do a rodent's job," mused the Vulpine Highlander.

After gracefully and effortlessly ascending the futtock shrouds along the mast, and upon taking up residence in the cramped confines of the crow's nest, Bonnie Anne barked out a warning so desperate in its desire to be heard that it planted itself firmly in the lobes of all below.

"BLIMEY CAP'N, it is far worse than I thought- We indeed are faced with a grave crisis!"

"POR FAVOR, say it isn't so....no more floss?" worried El Toro with moistened eyes and showing slightly less teeth than usual. "It will be ok my brilliant white darlings."

"UUGGEEE! Perhaps we be out of me calcium supplements," cast out Old-Scratch as he attempted to keep his bones from rattling.

"ARRRGGG-A-HOOOO- Nooo....please don't let it be that I once again let me subscriptions expire!" exclaimed Ratbeard. "No more, Radiant Rodent Review, gone is me Nautical Knots for Nitwits, so long Happier Holes and Hideaways, farewell Deck Swabbing for Dummies, be seeing you From Plank to Bank- An Illustrated Guide to Gaining More Gold!"

(continued- I think)

Dread Pirate
Jun 17, 2013
2699
...continued)

Bonnie yelped out amidst all the babbling below. "Cap'n this is a most unfortunate turn of events. I'm afraid I have bad news to report."

"Are they preparing to run a shot across our bow?" the uneasy Captain probed.

"Even worse Cap'n...steady yourself- for I fear that you are nearly out of synonyms to use for the word said," delivered the Fantastic Fox.

"OOOOH...I...just love...cinnamons...on pastries...tarts...cannoli...my forearm...danishes...," slugged Barnabus, obviously in no hurry to relinquish his words.

"GAAROOH-GOOBAY-GUBAAHK-BOOOHG-BAAH," Goronado growled.

"Har, Har, Har- you kill me every time, but you know you had me at GAAROOH....Uh wait, what did he say?" Ratbeard wondered.

"For this I know not...Captain forgot to include a translation in his post," revealed El Toro, using one of Ratbeard's plucked whiskers to floss his Chiclet-like-chompers.

After Valkoor had heard all he could handle, he called out to the lady on lookout. "What sets itself before your eyes," implored Valkoor.

"Cap'n, it appears that one of their crew is handing their captain a missive of some sort," reported Bonnie. "Somehow with the marvels of technology I am able to make out the message as if I were viewing it from a rectangular screen enflamed by glowing, bright lights. It seems it is from a certain, familiar acquaintance who goes by the name of Golden Guardian."

"Just who be this Guardian that guards gold things...that are...golden and worthy of guarding- uh, Cap'n?" floundered Ratbeard.

"Conceivably, could dat be an ally of de foe before us?" Old Scratch conjured.

"And more significantly why did we not encounter this Golden Guardian in Maruzame Castle with the other Guardians?" inquired Goronado.

"Don't you know, Guardian comes from the land down under? Where women glow and men plunder. Can't you hear, can't you hear that thunder? You better run, you better take cover," sung out Valkoor, completely unaware of his musical outburst.

(continued...)

Dread Pirate
Jun 17, 2013
2699
Simultaneously with Valkoor's musical display- in the background could be heard strange, yet melodious sounds.

Footstep-footstep, clickity-clack...footstep-clackity-footstep-click...footstep-footstep-clackity-footstep...clackity- clackity-click-footstep-clack.

To go along with his poetic prancing, in near harmony- the twirling and fluttering Ratbeard offered up,

"Yar-te-diddle-e-dee, de-diddle-de-do-da...under- Yar-to-diddle-e-doo, do-diddle-da-de-da...thunder."

"Whiskers, compose your self- for are you a pirate or are you a ballerina?" bellowed El Toro, now using Barnabus's armor as a mirror.

"Is that a RATorical question?" Ratbeard squeaked, holding great pride in his unforeseen and unexpected wit.

"Enough, no more singing and dancing. Men....At Work without delay." Valkoor commanded

"But Cap'n...,"

"I know Bonnie, I know- you are indeed a lady," the Captain reassured. "Any more news to report from your perch?"

"It appears that there is a doctor or nurse of some sort attempting to stitch their Captain a new set of bloomers...how odd. She appears to be out of her element for sure," Bonnie unveiled.

"Let me have a look," groaned Ratbeard as he pulled out his spotting scope. "My goodness it is horrible...she is bony and underfed for sure- clearly having not ate in a fortnight."

"Wrong way you dote, you are looking at Scratchy's ribcage you bumbling, burrowing buffoon," Bonnie jested.

"Uh...uh I knew that...I's just testing ye. And besides, in all fairness- I was looking for a doctor and well... I... saw bones. Ah, yes, it appears that it is indeed a nurse...a female pheasant with a....cinnamon bun on her head? Seems like some random Jane...let me try to See More if I can. Their Capt'n appears to be gesticulating wildly..."

"Whoah, easy there Whiskers- for there are ladies present," warned El Toro.

As the crew peered out over the vast, tranquil skyway the Pheasant Nurse finished her task and moments later, they were greeted by another sinister message. Once again it seemed Valkoor had underestimated and falsely accused his wily foe.

"Touché, Sam, touché" (And thank you again)

Dread Pirate
Jun 17, 2013
2699
Sam Underhill on Jan 12, 2014 wrote:
Mission accomplished. Chuckling to themselves, the crew hastily prepared to depart the skyway before anything 'auspicious' happened.

"Cap'n," Ratbeard came forward, "me thinks ye need to dust off them trifocals of yorn and read this here missive agin."

Sam took the proferred paper from his most disheveled crewmember and reread it. "WHAT! Bring that banner down!" 'Besides, they're bifocals," he muttered under his breath. "Nurse Quinn, we need you!"

"I'm a doctor, not a seamstress. I'll sew as fast as I can," she retorted hotly. "It's not like I'm on the first page of companions. But when you need a token female to do token female stuff..." Her grumbling was roundly ignored after that.

"Bring her about! Hard alee! Stow the anchor! Fifty four forty or fight! Come on crew, I can't do all the mad chatter by myself! Help me out here, we've done this before!" Sam gesticulated wildly, looking not unlike a puppet whose strings had been randomly snipped.

"Yippee skippee," Bonnie Anne piped up, sarcasm dripping from her lips. "Don't you think you're taking this whole thing a little bit too far?"
"I and I do not think this will end well, Captain my Captain," Old Scratch observed.
"Is there any particular type of chatter you wish?" El Toro wondered.
"I am the son of a god, you know," Hawkules reminded everyone.
"I could go for a mug of Yum," Milo Graytail wished aloud.
"Besides, we've missed breakfast," Stormy Sky pointed out.
"We always chat amongst ourselves, it just never gets printed," Subodai blurted.
"Stop looking at me, I am a ninja!" Shiruku Neku complained.
"Would you like to play a game?" Sarah Steele asked, looking pointedly at El Toro.
"Captain, I would like to observe that your behavior is bordering on the manic obsessive," Catbeard interjected.
"I knew there was reason I liked sailing with you," Monkey King vociferated.
"Ki-yi-yi-yi-yi," Zeena ululated over the din.
"Why must you do that?" El Toro took a second turn.
"If I had a sonic screwdriver, I could remedy this situation in a jiffy," Gracie Conrad proclaimed.
"I'm not even a member of the crew. I just haven't shown up for a while," Bob the Musketeer whined.
"Finished," Nurse Quinn came forward.
"Let's run it up the mast and we'll see who salutes," Ratbeard took the reworked banner from her and attached it to the ropes with practiced skill.
"I reckon this'll put a bristle under the saddle of that thar buffaloon," Rooster Cogburn declared in his inimitable drawl.
"Someone get that blasted thesaurus away from the Captain!" Ensign Emmett hollered.
"Full sail! Anchors aweigh! Remember the Presidio!" Sam's voice called out

Ratbeard finally got the banner to the top of the mast, where it lazily unfurled in the spiral breeze. As the two ships drifted apart, Sam could see the other ship's crew staring with astonishment on their upturned faces.

'Congratulations Bosun'.
Quite a riot Sam- I was laughing so hard I scared my twins. You are very talented, clever and hilarious. Love the Bones from Star Trek and the Alamo references. And who knew they had sonic screwdrivers then. Good ole Bob the Musketeer, lol- he never gets proper recognition. Thoroughly enjoyed the witty banter between the crew members, nice to know mine isn't the only crew that chats amongst themselves and not to mention the "Bring her about! Hard alee! Stow the anchor! Fifty four forty or fight!" line.

Also nice to know that I am not the only one posting with a Thesaurus in his hand- trust me I need it immensely.

Very well done and truly and completely enjoyed!

And thank you on the Congratulations!!

Pirate Overlord
Mar 10, 2009
6079
ValkoorTheVictorio... on Jan 13, 2014 wrote:
Thanks, Chrissy. Occasionally I get this oval on my head to function properly. Lol, about gekkered- being from a more rural area with plenty of fox around, you learn some of the words that locals use to describe the noises they and other animals make. I actually looked it up and, low and behold, it was a word coined from none other than a Scottish zoologist named David McDonald. So these small time country folk do know a thing or too. It just seemed to fit perfectly with our Fair Bonnie.
Wow, how cool. * Checks off box labeled "Learn something new today".*

Admiral
Jun 02, 2013
1246
It ain't thanksgiving day guys lol yeah this story writing is really good

Dread Pirate
Jun 17, 2013
2699
witchdoctor daruis on Jan 14, 2014 wrote:
It ain't thanksgiving day guys lol yeah this story writing is really good
Thank you- on behalf of all us Darius!

Pirate Overlord
Mar 10, 2009
6079
ValkoorTheVictorio... on Jan 13, 2014 wrote:
Simultaneously with Valkoor's musical display- in the background could be heard strange, yet melodious sounds.

Footstep-footstep, clickity-clack...footstep-clackity-footstep-click...footstep-footstep-clackity-footstep...clackity- clackity-click-footstep-clack.

To go along with his poetic prancing, in near harmony- the twirling and fluttering Ratbeard offered up,

"Yar-te-diddle-e-dee, de-diddle-de-do-da...under- Yar-to-diddle-e-doo, do-diddle-da-de-da...thunder."

"Whiskers, compose your self- for are you a pirate or are you a ballerina?" bellowed El Toro, now using Barnabus's armor as a mirror.

"Is that a RATorical question?" Ratbeard squeaked, holding great pride in his unforeseen and unexpected wit.

"Enough, no more singing and dancing. Men....At Work without delay." Valkoor commanded

"But Cap'n...,"

"I know Bonnie, I know- you are indeed a lady," the Captain reassured. "Any more news to report from your perch?"

"It appears that there is a doctor or nurse of some sort attempting to stitch their Captain a new set of bloomers...how odd. She appears to be out of her element for sure," Bonnie unveiled.

"Let me have a look," groaned Ratbeard as he pulled out his spotting scope. "My goodness it is horrible...she is bony and underfed for sure- clearly having not ate in a fortnight."

"Wrong way you dote, you are looking at Scratchy's ribcage you bumbling, burrowing buffoon," Bonnie jested.

"Uh...uh I knew that...I's just testing ye. And besides, in all fairness- I was looking for a doctor and well... I... saw bones. Ah, yes, it appears that it is indeed a nurse...a female pheasant with a....cinnamon bun on her head? Seems like some random Jane...let me try to See More if I can. Their Capt'n appears to be gesticulating wildly..."

"Whoah, easy there Whiskers- for there are ladies present," warned El Toro.

As the crew peered out over the vast, tranquil skyway the Pheasant Nurse finished her task and moments later, they were greeted by another sinister message. Once again it seemed Valkoor had underestimated and falsely accused his wily foe.

"Touché, Sam, touché" (And thank you again)
Oh my goodness Valkoor, my sides are hurting from laughing so much. That was magnificent, simply resplendent and oh so ineffable. Ok, ok, I will stop. Dang you had my 'ALT/TAB function to the dictionary hitting so often I may need treatment for carpal tunnel, lol. Brilliant word usage. From Bonnie Anne barking things in a vulpine way to all the musical references and the salvo of synonymic phrases, I enjoyed every word of it. *Sighs with pleasure* My brain feels like it has just pushed back from a verbal thanksgiving dinner it is so suffused. (Thanks for the idea Darius )

Dread Pirate
Jun 17, 2013
2699
Chrissy Th'Blesser on Jan 14, 2014 wrote:
Oh my goodness Valkoor, my sides are hurting from laughing so much. That was magnificent, simply resplendent and oh so ineffable. Ok, ok, I will stop. Dang you had my 'ALT/TAB function to the dictionary hitting so often I may need treatment for carpal tunnel, lol. Brilliant word usage. From Bonnie Anne barking things in a vulpine way to all the musical references and the salvo of synonymic phrases, I enjoyed every word of it. *Sighs with pleasure* My brain feels like it has just pushed back from a verbal thanksgiving dinner it is so suffused. (Thanks for the idea Darius )
Thank you Chrissy, happy to give you a good laugh- we all need more silly, goofy fun in our lives- at least I think so. I know it always helps me get through tough times and lifts my spirits when life tends to drag a bit. Although, my goofy antics may have rubbed off a bit too much on my oldest son- for he is as goofily spirited as they come. And the twins already seem to be catching on to the act! Sorry for the carpal tunnel but maybe more sidesplitting laughter will remedy that. Love the verbal thanksgiving dinner metaphor by the way- and I wonder why we don't partake in that glorious meal more often throughout the year. Anyways, thanks for the compliments.

Admiral
Jun 02, 2013
1246
ValkoorTheVictorio... on Jan 14, 2014 wrote:
Thank you- on behalf of all us Darius!
Keep up the great writing here I think I have one
I walked around the ship it all felt wrong really wrong
I saw bonnie anne on lookout for our old enemies on the prowl for us
The wind from the sail sent shivers I saw my tiny monquistador crossbowmen shivering in the wind is sat next to him
Why hello captain he said in a welcoming tone
Do you think somethings wrong I asked strange or just different I haven't seen kan po anywhere
He is in the cellar meditating captain he replied with enthusiasm
Ok I said feeling a bit better
I saw ratbeard polishing the cannons birgus mopping the deck and Mormo and ghost singer having a talk about magic and death then I saw ratbeard slip away behind the ship
He boarded a cutthroat ship I got a clearer look and saw ratbeard talking to fin
To be continued...

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