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Why My Pirate Doesn't Critical

1
AuthorMessage
Gunner's Mate
May 28, 2013
294
Here are the top ten reasons why my pirate doesn't critical.

1) I can't critical when I'm hungry.
2) I can't concentrate with all my Companions bickering.
3) The sun was in my eyes.
4) I left my good weapon at home on the kitchen table..
5) I caught a good whiff of Catbeard's breath.
6) My lucky four leaf clover is missing.
7) I was distracted by the stitching on the enemy's clothing.
8) Milo's latest money making scheme has me worried..
9) I thought we were going to fight someone else.
10) My shoes were untied.
11) Captain Avery is coming over for dinner, and I still don't know what to make.

I also can't count to ten very well.

Captain
May 16, 2011
552
Sam Underhill on Jun 22, 2016 wrote:
Here are the top ten reasons why my pirate doesn't critical.

1) I can't critical when I'm hungry.
2) I can't concentrate with all my Companions bickering.
3) The sun was in my eyes.
4) I left my good weapon at home on the kitchen table..
5) I caught a good whiff of Catbeard's breath.
6) My lucky four leaf clover is missing.
7) I was distracted by the stitching on the enemy's clothing.
8) Milo's latest money making scheme has me worried..
9) I thought we were going to fight someone else.
10) My shoes were untied.
11) Captain Avery is coming over for dinner, and I still don't know what to make.

I also can't count to ten very well.
Quite an in-depth list, so allow me to share why my pirate never lands a critical.

1) I was distracted by Sam's new post.
2) My hoodoo was malfunctioning. That's totally the word to use.
3) I had to contact Hoodoo Tech Support.
4) I was distracted by the cane, err, Kane trying to kill me.
5) I got stuck in the Avery's Court Life Fountain.
6) The seam on the robe I was wearing was a centimeter off. It ruined everything.
7) There was some J.J. Abrams level of lens flare in my eyes.
8) I was distracted by Mormo raising a Water Mole army in his downtime.
9) Air turbulence made a complete tray of eggs fall on my head.
10) Everyone I meet is always double my height. It's infuriating.

Ensign
Nov 18, 2013
12
I suffer the same fate, and 10 MORE reasons.

1.) The enemy had a ton of buffs on Agility, Will, and Strength.
2.) I forgot to heal.
3.) You don't have a heal yet?
4.) Bonnie Anne just went down?
5.) You don't have a healing doubloon on you or anything?
*Back to excuses of not being OP.*
6.) I forgot my lucky socks in the cabinet.
7.) I didn't feel like it.
8.) I used up all my luck on a Tribal Crew pack. Sorry.
9.) Instead of using my Nefarious You-Know-What, (Whatever weapon this lazy pirate uses.) I just used a Tribal Wand. It's a lot cheaper.
10.) I counted to ten reasons why I couldn't critical on that enemy while it wrecked our whole team. Companions, pets and all.

Pirate Overlord
Mar 10, 2009
6204
Sam Underhill on Jun 22, 2016 wrote:
Here are the top ten reasons why my pirate doesn't critical.

1) I can't critical when I'm hungry.
2) I can't concentrate with all my Companions bickering.
3) The sun was in my eyes.
4) I left my good weapon at home on the kitchen table..
5) I caught a good whiff of Catbeard's breath.
6) My lucky four leaf clover is missing.
7) I was distracted by the stitching on the enemy's clothing.
8) Milo's latest money making scheme has me worried..
9) I thought we were going to fight someone else.
10) My shoes were untied.
11) Captain Avery is coming over for dinner, and I still don't know what to make.

I also can't count to ten very well.
How about making it an even dozen with "We keep forgetting to do the 'Rubby patty' thingy"

Pirate Overlord
Mar 16, 2012
9786
1. There wasn't any chocolate in my house.
2. I had an allergy attack and it reduced my agility.
3. I was talking with private chat and missed my turn.
4. I had mal de mer ( this is for unlucky ship battles ).
5. I needed chocolate!
6. I was trying to remember all the lyrics to "Bohemian Rhapsody" and got distracted.
7. I was saddened by all the "Valencia 2 is OP" posts.
8. Did Avery ever have a day like this?
9. Where's that ( blankety-blank ) Black Fog?
10. Did I mention there wasn't any chocolate?
Excuse me I have to go to the store for more chocolate.......

Commodore
May 31, 2009
873
Reminds me of when we had to do improv in my communications class. If you were late, you had to come up with ten reasons why within a minute and a half and if you could, you weren't counted late.

Reasons why I can't critical, well...

1. I tripped over a pebble.
2. My pet decided it wanted a belly rub.
3. Did I turn the oven off?
4. I've fallen and I can't get up!
5. It's humid; you can't expect me to be halfway decent if my hair looks like this.
6. The background music distracted me. Life with a soundtrack can be inconvenient.
7. The wind isn't blowing the right direction.
8. I lost my shoe.
9. I noticed a wanted poster with my picture and...they just can't get my nose right!
10. The anime glasses thing happened & I got fingerprints on the lenses when I pushed them back up.

Bonus:
Some angry German kid showed up out of nowhere and started yelling about Titans...

Lieutenant
Aug 19, 2011
162
Those accursed crabs gave me a defective wand!

How am I supposed to critical in this infernal heat?!

The enemies, they cheat!

I don't know how, but I'm sure it's Ratbeard's fault!

Milo with a wig, yuck!

I need a new outfit!

I broke a nail!

The enemies stand too close!

Tch. Criticals are overrated anyway...

I'm also a liar, because I critical a lot!

Sheesh, I'm a hot mess.

Ensign
Dec 18, 2013
2
10] Hey, I think Bonnie just winked at me...seriously!
9] I was investigating Ratbeard's 'auspicions'!
8] I had to help Toro up...he tripped over his ego. Whoah, down goes Hawkules!
7] Are you sure Bonnie didn't just wink at me?
6] Was checking my buccaneer's bank account, more specifically some Mighty and Brutal Charges!
5] I was walking my pet Foo Dog, Plank! Battle is never a good time for Walking the Plank!
4] Stop that Bonnie.....OUCH, my deepest apologies!!!
3] Monkey King was grooming me...and light-snacking.
2] Had to swing into the sail-thru at Kurgha King's to pick up the new Combo Weapon...it's a real Whoppah!!!

...and the number one reason...

1] I try not to be critical of anyone...we're all in this vessel together!

** EDIT **
By the way Sam...in case you hadn't guessed, this is actually Valkoor-- on my son's account. My main account didn't automatically renew because the card that was linked to it...well, walked the plank. I've been away from posting and the game for quite some time now and just renewed my membership today. However, I forgot to log out of my son's account before I posted this. I'm sure that you had your own sneaky 'auspicions'.

Anywho...love this idea and all of the creative responses here. I hope to post a bit more, if time is kind to me. Just wanted to say "Hello"!

Pirate Overlord
Mar 16, 2012
9786
AdmiralAlbatross on Jun 23, 2016 wrote:
10] Hey, I think Bonnie just winked at me...seriously!
9] I was investigating Ratbeard's 'auspicions'!
8] I had to help Toro up...he tripped over his ego. Whoah, down goes Hawkules!
7] Are you sure Bonnie didn't just wink at me?
6] Was checking my buccaneer's bank account, more specifically some Mighty and Brutal Charges!
5] I was walking my pet Foo Dog, Plank! Battle is never a good time for Walking the Plank!
4] Stop that Bonnie.....OUCH, my deepest apologies!!!
3] Monkey King was grooming me...and light-snacking.
2] Had to swing into the sail-thru at Kurgha King's to pick up the new Combo Weapon...it's a real Whoppah!!!

...and the number one reason...

1] I try not to be critical of anyone...we're all in this vessel together!

** EDIT **
By the way Sam...in case you hadn't guessed, this is actually Valkoor-- on my son's account. My main account didn't automatically renew because the card that was linked to it...well, walked the plank. I've been away from posting and the game for quite some time now and just renewed my membership today. However, I forgot to log out of my son's account before I posted this. I'm sure that you had your own sneaky 'auspicions'.

Anywho...love this idea and all of the creative responses here. I hope to post a bit more, if time is kind to me. Just wanted to say "Hello"!
A lovely, fun list. A biiiggg smile and a yar!

Pirate Overlord
Mar 16, 2012
9786
AdmiralAlbatross on Jun 23, 2016 wrote:
10] Hey, I think Bonnie just winked at me...seriously!
9] I was investigating Ratbeard's 'auspicions'!
8] I had to help Toro up...he tripped over his ego. Whoah, down goes Hawkules!
7] Are you sure Bonnie didn't just wink at me?
6] Was checking my buccaneer's bank account, more specifically some Mighty and Brutal Charges!
5] I was walking my pet Foo Dog, Plank! Battle is never a good time for Walking the Plank!
4] Stop that Bonnie.....OUCH, my deepest apologies!!!
3] Monkey King was grooming me...and light-snacking.
2] Had to swing into the sail-thru at Kurgha King's to pick up the new Combo Weapon...it's a real Whoppah!!!

...and the number one reason...

1] I try not to be critical of anyone...we're all in this vessel together!

** EDIT **
By the way Sam...in case you hadn't guessed, this is actually Valkoor-- on my son's account. My main account didn't automatically renew because the card that was linked to it...well, walked the plank. I've been away from posting and the game for quite some time now and just renewed my membership today. However, I forgot to log out of my son's account before I posted this. I'm sure that you had your own sneaky 'auspicions'.

Anywho...love this idea and all of the creative responses here. I hope to post a bit more, if time is kind to me. Just wanted to say "Hello"!
Why you sneaky.... I yarred this before the post edit passed moderation, I thought we had a new funny talent on board!

Gunner's Mate
May 28, 2013
294
Ten more reasons.

1) One Eyed Jack still refuses to lend me his lucky rabbit's foot. (Still using it... pshaw!)
2) I owe the Frogfather a favor, and the Frogfather's favors can be difficult to repay. My consiglieri will explain.
3) I'm still awaiting my shipment of cheese from Valkoor's cheese shop, the Block-Ade.
4) I can't get the Gilligan's Island theme song out of my head.
5) Blind Mew is posting again!!! Yay!!!
6) I can't find any good snacks rummaging through the fridge.
7) My privateer just spends all his time boosting anyway. Otherwise the Companions grumble.
8) Am I right or left handed? I can't remember.
9) Are you sure this isn't Moo Manchu's tower? It sure looks like it. I mean those are ninja pigs, aren't they?.
10) I can't find my thesaurus. I'm willing to swear I left it here on the table, next to the hourglass. How can I post (communicate, dispatch, report, memo) without a thesaurus.

Gunner's Mate
May 17, 2015
209
You guys have good excuses, I have 10 good reasons

1. The crab pinched me
2. Ow! Bonnie Anne, friendly fire!
3. Because Kane is immune to criticals (not sure about this haven't reached that battle yet
4.Because I am trying to tell wether my Birgus Latro died or I killed an enemy?
5.Because witchdoctors don't get any garuanteed strikes( you guys actually get those)
6.The watermole just hit me in the face with his sling
7.I can't critical against those small cute monkeys! Aw so cute!
8.Fast combat is too fast!
9.I am too busy telling Gracie off to use a more lethal weapon over a wrench, a wrench! It's ridiculous, and Catbeard uses fish, why do my companions from Marleybone was ridiculous weapons!
10.because the juju chickens ran to the enemy and not me!

Pirate Overlord
Mar 10, 2009
6204
AdmiralAlbatross on Jun 23, 2016 wrote:
10] Hey, I think Bonnie just winked at me...seriously!
9] I was investigating Ratbeard's 'auspicions'!
8] I had to help Toro up...he tripped over his ego. Whoah, down goes Hawkules!
7] Are you sure Bonnie didn't just wink at me?
6] Was checking my buccaneer's bank account, more specifically some Mighty and Brutal Charges!
5] I was walking my pet Foo Dog, Plank! Battle is never a good time for Walking the Plank!
4] Stop that Bonnie.....OUCH, my deepest apologies!!!
3] Monkey King was grooming me...and light-snacking.
2] Had to swing into the sail-thru at Kurgha King's to pick up the new Combo Weapon...it's a real Whoppah!!!

...and the number one reason...

1] I try not to be critical of anyone...we're all in this vessel together!

** EDIT **
By the way Sam...in case you hadn't guessed, this is actually Valkoor-- on my son's account. My main account didn't automatically renew because the card that was linked to it...well, walked the plank. I've been away from posting and the game for quite some time now and just renewed my membership today. However, I forgot to log out of my son's account before I posted this. I'm sure that you had your own sneaky 'auspicions'.

Anywho...love this idea and all of the creative responses here. I hope to post a bit more, if time is kind to me. Just wanted to say "Hello"!
Just plain BRILLIANT Sir Valkoor and you have just racked up some mighty good yars for your son.

Captain
May 16, 2011
552
AdmiralAlbatross on Jun 23, 2016 wrote:
10] Hey, I think Bonnie just winked at me...seriously!
9] I was investigating Ratbeard's 'auspicions'!
8] I had to help Toro up...he tripped over his ego. Whoah, down goes Hawkules!
7] Are you sure Bonnie didn't just wink at me?
6] Was checking my buccaneer's bank account, more specifically some Mighty and Brutal Charges!
5] I was walking my pet Foo Dog, Plank! Battle is never a good time for Walking the Plank!
4] Stop that Bonnie.....OUCH, my deepest apologies!!!
3] Monkey King was grooming me...and light-snacking.
2] Had to swing into the sail-thru at Kurgha King's to pick up the new Combo Weapon...it's a real Whoppah!!!

...and the number one reason...

1] I try not to be critical of anyone...we're all in this vessel together!

** EDIT **
By the way Sam...in case you hadn't guessed, this is actually Valkoor-- on my son's account. My main account didn't automatically renew because the card that was linked to it...well, walked the plank. I've been away from posting and the game for quite some time now and just renewed my membership today. However, I forgot to log out of my son's account before I posted this. I'm sure that you had your own sneaky 'auspicions'.

Anywho...love this idea and all of the creative responses here. I hope to post a bit more, if time is kind to me. Just wanted to say "Hello"!
Hehehehehe. I noticed your return via your yars....... I certainly didn't expect you to come back in this way. Ha, welcome back to the message boards, Valkoor!

Captain
May 16, 2011
552
Sam Underhill on Jun 25, 2016 wrote:
Ten more reasons.

1) One Eyed Jack still refuses to lend me his lucky rabbit's foot. (Still using it... pshaw!)
2) I owe the Frogfather a favor, and the Frogfather's favors can be difficult to repay. My consiglieri will explain.
3) I'm still awaiting my shipment of cheese from Valkoor's cheese shop, the Block-Ade.
4) I can't get the Gilligan's Island theme song out of my head.
5) Blind Mew is posting again!!! Yay!!!
6) I can't find any good snacks rummaging through the fridge.
7) My privateer just spends all his time boosting anyway. Otherwise the Companions grumble.
8) Am I right or left handed? I can't remember.
9) Are you sure this isn't Moo Manchu's tower? It sure looks like it. I mean those are ninja pigs, aren't they?.
10) I can't find my thesaurus. I'm willing to swear I left it here on the table, next to the hourglass. How can I post (communicate, dispatch, report, memo) without a thesaurus.
Oh, making more excuses are we? Two can play at that game.

1) I was distracted by Valkoor's latest schemes.
2) My newest pirate failed the tutorial. He is forever shamed.
3) I suspect Catbeard smuggled most of my "Lucky Herring" out of my Smugler's Cove.
4) Turns out that the remainder of all that "Lucky Herring" wasn't all that lucky.
5) I still owe the Monquistan Army 26,407,931,850 bananas. Don't ask me how, because I don't remember.
6) I spoke the incantation for Juju incorrectly, thus turning me into a Juju, instead of summoning one.
7) Mormo's Water Mole army is now many more stronger and still growing.
8) I set myself on fire. 'Nuff said.
9) I accidentally set a team of Me, my Sky Snake, my Krokogator, and my Batacuda. It did not end well.
10) I know what you mean about these reference books. I can't find my dikshunarie- dicshiunarey- diktiooniry- dictionary.

Pirate Overlord
Mar 16, 2012
9786
Sam Underhill on Jun 25, 2016 wrote:
Ten more reasons.

1) One Eyed Jack still refuses to lend me his lucky rabbit's foot. (Still using it... pshaw!)
2) I owe the Frogfather a favor, and the Frogfather's favors can be difficult to repay. My consiglieri will explain.
3) I'm still awaiting my shipment of cheese from Valkoor's cheese shop, the Block-Ade.
4) I can't get the Gilligan's Island theme song out of my head.
5) Blind Mew is posting again!!! Yay!!!
6) I can't find any good snacks rummaging through the fridge.
7) My privateer just spends all his time boosting anyway. Otherwise the Companions grumble.
8) Am I right or left handed? I can't remember.
9) Are you sure this isn't Moo Manchu's tower? It sure looks like it. I mean those are ninja pigs, aren't they?.
10) I can't find my thesaurus. I'm willing to swear I left it here on the table, next to the hourglass. How can I post (communicate, dispatch, report, memo) without a thesaurus.
Maybe that Tortellini Crab in the Tortellini Warehouse took it ( he needed one, his vocabulary was bad, badder than bad, real bad, super bad... you get the picture? )

Ensign
Dec 16, 2012
17
Reasons for why I can't critical for the life of me:
1. Itzen kaan is terrifying me with his toothy grin.
2. I forgot to feed my clockwork spider.
3. My ship is on fire and I forgot to get ship insurance.
4.I'm half the size of the enemies I am facing.
5. Someone took my yum.
6. The magic of the mariachi band has not been bestowed upon me.
7. I'm out of gold.
8. Half the enemies we face are animals with weapons.
9. I forgot to eat breakfast.
10. Black fog is making it hard to breath.

Those are my "reasons" for being unable to critical. Definitely not excuses i'll tell you that.

Bosun
Dec 21, 2009
396
1) Not paying attention.
2) Not paying attention.
3) Not paying attention.
4) Not paying attention.
5) Not paying attention.
6) Ooh! Butterfly!
7) Not paying attention.
8) Kane'smaskissoshinyand... wait, was I supposed to be doing something?
9) Hoodoo curses mess up my mojo man!
10) Not paying attention.

Pirate Overlord
Mar 16, 2012
9786
1. I blunted my stilettos on Pomodoro Tortellini's shell.
2.The weather in Valencia worries me...
3. Subodai is a little horse today.
4. Mustang Sally is also a little horse - is it contagious?
5. How much does Miracle Mitch charge for inoculations?
6. My ship smells - remind me to dump those old barrels of pickled herring.
7. Crab Hermit's crawlies are everywhere ( and I think they're rabid...)
8. I've run out of chocolate - again!
But worse than all that, I've run out of excuses!

Dread Pirate
Jun 17, 2013
2743
anecorbie on Jun 24, 2016 wrote:
Why you sneaky.... I yarred this before the post edit passed moderation, I thought we had a new funny talent on board!
Tee-hee....

Yeah, I didn't even know until I saw it post...and said to myself "just who is this Albatross impostor?"....."oh wait, 'tis but me!"

Sam's post is actually what made me say, "okay, enough is enough, I've been away too long! Time for a new membership!" Well, the whole Kane, Valencia, Unicorn-y thingy helped a bit, as well. I missed out on Test but I'm kind of glad as I now go exploring the new content for the very first time. Just got my first taste of the Duomo and seeing "Sugar-N-Kane" for the first time. They don't know how lucky they were that I was packing a well-spoken monkey with me...I'd surely have let them have it right then and there.

And Chrissy, I'll pass on all those yars to my son. He used to read the boards often and I showed him how to search and peruse the forums-- even has shelled out his own yars, I believe. Hasn't done it lately, but I'm sure he would be happy and thrilled about being yarred by such a great group of people.

Oh and Thunder Hawk...I'm always scheming, so best watch out!

Carry on with the shenanigans!

Lieutenant
Aug 19, 2011
162
Thunder Hawk on Jun 25, 2016 wrote:
Oh, making more excuses are we? Two can play at that game.

1) I was distracted by Valkoor's latest schemes.
2) My newest pirate failed the tutorial. He is forever shamed.
3) I suspect Catbeard smuggled most of my "Lucky Herring" out of my Smugler's Cove.
4) Turns out that the remainder of all that "Lucky Herring" wasn't all that lucky.
5) I still owe the Monquistan Army 26,407,931,850 bananas. Don't ask me how, because I don't remember.
6) I spoke the incantation for Juju incorrectly, thus turning me into a Juju, instead of summoning one.
7) Mormo's Water Mole army is now many more stronger and still growing.
8) I set myself on fire. 'Nuff said.
9) I accidentally set a team of Me, my Sky Snake, my Krokogator, and my Batacuda. It did not end well.
10) I know what you mean about these reference books. I can't find my dikshunarie- dicshiunarey- diktiooniry- dictionary.
Three can tango, my friend.

1. I couldn't concentrate because everyone's excuses were better than mine!
2. I haven't done any hoodoo for a few days.
3. I feel out of character for not doing any hexing lately... stupid life responsibilities... *grumble grumble*
4. No, exercise doesn't help.
5. Old Scratch should not be showing me up; high will, extra accuracy, and Mojo Echo - what was I thinking?!
6. I must have missed some kind of mutiny because it's obvious that my companions somehow stole my criticals!
7. I still need a new outfit!
8. Still no luck on receiving Valencian earrings. I NEED those earrings!
9. Carcarius shows me up too? What is this?!
10. It's hard to concentrate when everyone is making me feel deficient... Grr, this thesaurus thing is a curse!

...Is that a smirk?

Gunner's Mate
May 28, 2013
294
"That's it then, We hit the Armada in two hours. Bonnie Anne, you've got the watch. I'm off to get a couple winks of sleep aforehand."
"I've got the watch, aye aye sir. Pleasant dreams, Cap'n."

Sam slid beautifully into a riposte off a textbook block of the Armada Dragoon's massive sword, but his axe merely bounced off the clockwork, causing no damage at all. Only some quick footwork saved Sam from being skewered by a Battle Angel sneaking up from behind . Taking a deep breath Sam prepared himself for another round of attack. Ducking underneath a wild swing by the Dragoon, Sam found himself set up perfectly to land a critical on the enemy's breastplate. He readied his axe for the blow...

"Lookit 'im, twitchin' 'is leg in 'is sleep like a little puppy."
"Sorta reminds ye of how young he still is."
"Only in years, only in years."
"Should we wake him up yet?"
"Nah, we should let 'im sleep a bit longer."
"Y'know, it doesn't feel quite right watching the Captain like this when he's sleeping."
"Yeah, he does it so seldom, what with being Cap'n and all."

Suddenly Ratbeard ran up behind Sam and jostled his shoulder, causing the perfect hit to miss wildly, the axe slipping from his grip and spinning toward Sarah Steele who didn't see it coming...

Sam woke with a start. "Nor can he sleep with you all jabbering around my hammock!"
"Lookit the time"
"Gotta go"
"Need to.. sharpen my sword."
"Outta my way!"
The crew evaporated from Sam's cabin like morning dew in the hot sun.

"And everyone wonders why I can't critical anything," Sam thought in despair.

Admiral
Nov 01, 2013
1413
Sam Underhill on Jun 22, 2016 wrote:
Here are the top ten reasons why my pirate doesn't critical.

1) I can't critical when I'm hungry.
2) I can't concentrate with all my Companions bickering.
3) The sun was in my eyes.
4) I left my good weapon at home on the kitchen table..
5) I caught a good whiff of Catbeard's breath.
6) My lucky four leaf clover is missing.
7) I was distracted by the stitching on the enemy's clothing.
8) Milo's latest money making scheme has me worried..
9) I thought we were going to fight someone else.
10) My shoes were untied.
11) Captain Avery is coming over for dinner, and I still don't know what to make.

I also can't count to ten very well.
. My Butterfly - did someone mention "butterfly"? - Knives fall out of my pocket, and the Armada Officer attacked me while I tried to do clean-up duty.
2. Someone threw a New York Style cheesecake at me - I couldn't help it!
3. I tripped on a banana peel... how convenient.
4. I'm thinking about how I feel flattered when my Class Trainer, Morgan Lafitte, calls me "my prodigy". Hey, that's life.
5. Is it my imagination, or did that creepy-faced Armada Musketeer turn paler and start glowing (maybe it's a ghost because I really did do my Critical? )?
6. My spark thrower (a.k.a. gun) was faced the wrong way. I blame it, or is it Ratbeard I should be blaming?
7. I was still waiting on a new outfit shipped to my Bunkhouse, 101 Pirate Lane.
8. Wait a second: Ratbeard and Bonnie Anne are arguing again!
9. (For when I get Catbeard) I think Catbeard wants pickled herring. How can you like it if it stinks!!!
10. I was late for Swashbuckler 101. Hey, it's a Class!

Alright, I'm excited for my next ten. See you later, Crokagator!

Thanks and Good Hunting,

The Dashing Swashbuckler, a.k.a. Helpful Aurora Parker, Level 54 1/2 Swashbuckler

Admiral
Nov 01, 2013
1413
Sam Underhill on Jun 22, 2016 wrote:
Here are the top ten reasons why my pirate doesn't critical.

1) I can't critical when I'm hungry.
2) I can't concentrate with all my Companions bickering.
3) The sun was in my eyes.
4) I left my good weapon at home on the kitchen table..
5) I caught a good whiff of Catbeard's breath.
6) My lucky four leaf clover is missing.
7) I was distracted by the stitching on the enemy's clothing.
8) Milo's latest money making scheme has me worried..
9) I thought we were going to fight someone else.
10) My shoes were untied.
11) Captain Avery is coming over for dinner, and I still don't know what to make.

I also can't count to ten very well.
1. My arm itched.
2. I couldn't help but laugh when the Armada Musketeer did his little hand-waving thing when I was about to do my Critical!
3. I had a pizza delivery. (And it had to be all the way from Florenza...)
4. I was in Armada Fortress in Marleybone. I was so tired, I couldn't help but think "Armada Fort-rest?" And I forgot I had to feed Aurora's dog, Marley, a bone.
5. I thought about how Gracie Conrad uses a crazy wrench as her weapon, and my ex-Companion Nurse Quinn uses a... Medical Kit?
6. I was going to play a video game at my house, Smuggler's Cove. (Right in front of the fireplace.)
7. My *cough cough* Monarch *cough cough* Butterfly Knives melted because they were steel, and I was too close to the fireplace. Stupid fireplace! (Sarah, are you alright? )
8. My friend forced me to role play. Sorry, I can't refuse that one.
9. My friend text chatted me and told me I had to teleport this instant!
10. Aurora just got a PS4 (a.k.a. PlayStation 4) and an Xbox, so she had to teleport to Smuggler's Cove.

Alright, I look forward to my next ten! Yep, you know me.

Thanks and Good Hunting,

The Dashing Swashbuckler, a.k.a. Helpful Aurora Parker, Level 54 1/2 Swashbuckler

(P.S. The reason why I said "And it had to be all the way from Florenza..." was two reasons: Because pizza came from Italy, which is like Valencia; and then there's, of course, The Leaning Tower of Pizza [instead of Pisa; how creative! ])

Admiral
Nov 01, 2013
1413
Sam Underhill on Jun 22, 2016 wrote:
Here are the top ten reasons why my pirate doesn't critical.

1) I can't critical when I'm hungry.
2) I can't concentrate with all my Companions bickering.
3) The sun was in my eyes.
4) I left my good weapon at home on the kitchen table..
5) I caught a good whiff of Catbeard's breath.
6) My lucky four leaf clover is missing.
7) I was distracted by the stitching on the enemy's clothing.
8) Milo's latest money making scheme has me worried..
9) I thought we were going to fight someone else.
10) My shoes were untied.
11) Captain Avery is coming over for dinner, and I still don't know what to make.

I also can't count to ten very well.
1. A friend told me they could take me to Valencia, Part II.
2. Aurora's Backpack is missing... does that mean Aurora's late for school?
3. A friend decided to yodel. (Really, friend?)
4. There was a cheese contest; I had to attend. (I'm talking to you, Valkoor! )
5. Is it my imagination, or did Monkey King yawn? Not that I use him, anyway...
6. Captain Avery is asking if I could make a Clockwork in thirty seconds while inside a Dungeon... no! Not Cargill Foundry. Unfortunately.
7. Someone's asking if I know any cows in shoes to make the World, MooShu.
8. I can't make a critical hit because... I'm busy making a critical hit!
9. I can't make a critical hit. I'm making a new one for myself!
10. A group of little kittens were right in front of Aurora's eyes... So cute! Aurora also has clones. Aro1, get back here now! Aro2, do the critical hit for me because I have to find Aro1! Yes, that is why I can't do a critical hit. Aro1 is so tiring.

Hope you guys like them! (Another ten? )

Thanks and Good Hunting,

The Dashing Swashbuckler, a.k.a. Helpful Aurora Parker, Level 54 1/2 Swashbuckler

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